Involved in the on-track action while still being the ultimate spectators, Roller Derby Announcers have a unique vantage point. Forming a bridge between the game play and the crowd, for the novice spectator they can be the difference between a crazy, chaotic spectacle and an understanding of the sport’s inherent brutal poetics. In their cumulative experience studying and commentating on the evolution of the sport, strategy and subculture, Roller Derby Announcers are carving out a niche as the story tellers of a movement characterised by fascinating paradoxes and dazzling feats. We go trackside with Announcers Mike 1 and Bob Noxious as they reflect on the latest incarnation of this very unique sport.
[Mike 1] Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the rrrrrrevolution! Where teams take to the track in a no holds barred, do or die, no love lost, battle for bragging rights. I’m Mike 1, and I’m calling it like I see it. These ladies skate fast, hit hard, get knocked down and get back up. What you are about to see is real. This is full-contact, women’s ROLLER DERBY.
[Bob Noxious] That’s right! These aren’t the girls next door, they’re the girls that KICKED HER ASS. I’m Bob Noxious, Announcer for Madison Wisconsin’s Mad Rollin’ Dolls. If you’re in the front row, the Suicide Seats, you’d better be ready to get hit or MOVE YOUR ASS BACKWARD MAN! CUP CHECK! That guy last month, well, now has three “Adam’s Apples,” if you catch my drift. Guys! We work on a “catch and release” system, if you catch one, you can’t keep her. Gotta throw her back.
[Mike 1] Right now the teams are warming up out on the track. There’s been some serious preparation in the lead up to this day, nearly 10 years worth of blood, sweat and tears. We’re talking almost a decade of broken bones and rink rash, but the sport shows no sign of slowing; the derby revolution has spread to just about every continent as women everywhere put down those axes and lace up their skates. We’ve come a long way baby, but don’t think for a second you’ve seen the best of it yet.
[Mike 1] So who here is new tonight? Any derby virgins in the room? You need a little DERBY 101. Get ready for the big spiel: Dun dun dun! Crawling out of the sweaty primordial soup of the Texas punk rock scene in 2001, Roller Derby quickly clawed its way into the hearts and minds of new converts. Fast forward to 2010 and 450 leagues have erupted out of the earth, and we’re still counting. All over the world leagues of skaters are convening on every flat space they can find to prepare for the barely controled calamity of bouting. It’s a long way to the top and the road to victory is littered with the corpses and casualties of Roller Derby’s voracious appetite for fresh meat. This is a point scoring game, it’s simultaneous offence and defence, it’s a team sport, it takes an army of referees and officials to keep the pandemonium down to an insurable level, and yes, people DO get hurt.
[Bob Noxious] This is definitely not a hobby folks, it’s a lifestyle. We’re talking 4 – 5 practices a week for top-level leagues, conditioning sessions, and if that isn’t an ass buster, they also have to run a business. I get tired just driving here! I don’t know how the hell they do it. So show the ladies some support; go visit the merch desk, buy some raffle tickets, be a part of the magnitude of effort it takes to make these events actually happen. Because nobody gets paid! Your ticket purchase and a team shirt is the difference between what you’ll see tonight and would could have been parking lot pick-up games!
[Mike 1] If you look out on the track now you’ll see pretty standard roller derby fare; women kitted out like gladiators on quad skates and nervous emergency medical staff hovering close by. Over there are the packed bleachers decorated with home made banners and serious looking videographers with fancy film equipment. ‘Low Brow meets High Tech’ is a quirky feature of this seething, writhing Roller Derby organism, evolving and dividing quicker than you can say My Toes Is On Fire. What you are witnessing is the output of a grass roots sport-slash-cult with drive, ambition and a unique resourcefulness. Derby Nation is powered by the sheer force of will of thousands of skaters, backed up by database systems, digital archives, iphone apps and customised programming. As we speak, skaters all over the world are tuning in to watch self-produced live content ’boutcasts’, reading and contributing text updates, researching the latest drills and techniques, and comparing notes with sister leagues at opposite ends of the planet.
[Mike 1] Introducing the skaters now as they skate out onto the track, we’re seeing some differences from the not so distant past. The home-made and individually modified uniforms with spray paint stencilled names, costumes and burlesque inspired outfits seem to be giving way to more high performance sportswear with sponsors logos and matching helmets. Derby specific design is going into the pads, skates and wheels; a sure sign manufacturers are willing to bet this is more than a fad. Some skaters are even trading in their battle moniker derby names and going by their Real Names. It makes me wonder if derby still a game for all the geeky girls in high school who didn’t fit in?
[Bob] It’s true, in the time that I’ve been announcing, the side show stuff has dropped away really quickly. I’m not seeing anymore lipstick leagues or rollergirls that don’t want to get hit. We may have copied the initial Texas model, but even by the second year in Madison, we knew we didn’t have to provide a side show, what was happening on the track was interesting enough. No penalty mistress, death to spank alley, and, bless him, we had to get rid of the guy in the gorilla suit. I miss him.
[Mike 1] If this sporting spectacle emerged from the fertile swamps of the DIY alt lifestyle, it’s since given birth whilst surrounded by sympathetically heaving, sweating and PUSH PUSH PUSH chanting rollermidwives to a somewhat unexpected prodigal child. There exists a legion of skaters, both male and female, communally raising this bratty, attention seeking hatchling and we’re quick to hype its genius and fearsome athletic prowess to anyone who will listen.
[Mike 1] It’s time now for teams to take to their benches and get their line ups ready for the first jam of the bout. These first few jams, these brief explosions of power and passion are as much psychological and strategic as they are about getting those initial points on the scoreboard. Blockers from both teams line up behind the Pivot line mentally preparing themselves for the next two minutes of what the uninitiated may think looks like an elaborate display of ritualised sadomasochism. Skating in a pack around an oval shaped racetrack, blockers express themselves with subtle harmonies of team work punctuated by the mad-crashing crescendos of high-speed collisions. Jammers line up behind those blockers and get a few seconds to admire the human washing machine before hurling themselves at it in a break neck speed attempt to score points.
[Mike 1] Any blocker will tell you without blinking that the point of all this is to ‘knock some bitch down’. Dig a little deeper and you’ll discover it’s also about protecting your own team mates, exploiting opportunities, gaining dominance and the fine art of control. No wonder there is so much chatter about that fancy big E; ‘empowerment’. All of this strategising gets played out in the dramatic one hundred and twenty second intervals you are about to witness, and it seeps out into what happens off skates, too.
[Mike 1] Ask a veteran skater what it’s all about in the thirty seconds between jams …make sure you maintain eye contact, approach her with caution, avoid placing your ‘legal target zones’ near her ‘legal blocking zones’… or when she’s managing a bench of starry eyed cannon fodder and she’ll tell you that it sure as hell isn’t how it used to be. In the newly carved upper echelons of the sport especially, gone are the days of relying solely on the sheer spectacle of tattooed pin ups holding a new edge to the throat of an old fashioned game to hypnotise a crowd. While it’s not across the board, it’s certainly a common feature of the competitive teams that comprise the Women’s Flat Track Derby Association smashing their way through to Regional and National tournaments. There’s this concept that we’re growing up now, into a slick, sophisticated and somewhat more refined creature.
[Mike 1] The derby landscape has been completely transformed. There is the aforementioned WFTDA, Regional and National tournaments, plus the rankings systems, official rule sets, standard officiating procedures and sponsorship and media deals. There is a new breed of skater now who has never had to roll around a chalk outlined track on cracked crumbling concrete, never had to struggle with the mind expanding and sometimes soul destroying process of starting and growing a fledgling league. These skaters have rolled right into an established hierarchy and debut in sold out stadiums. These skaters also had to try out to join their leagues and face the sheer terror of their first scrimmage up against hardened vets. Talent is the new black and blue, and now the old brood have to keep up or opt out. Something league recruiters used to say ‘anyone’ could do for fun is now becoming something ‘anyone with serious commitment, skating ability, athleticism, mettle bordering on madness and a special kind of moxie’ can do. It’s old news that mild mannered librarians have locked wheels with law flouting miscreants and are getting whipped through the pack by off duty single mothers. What’s newer is that these women are transforming themselves into ambitious, focussed athletes. Off the track these skaters are getting into intelligent pack formations and utilising their skills and knowledge to control the game play and make pivotal decisions.
[Bob Noxious] We are right now standing on top of a peak, and we are going to cross over to the other side. We are going to lose the days of innocence, where this was done for fun and where anyone who wanted to, could do it. Two steps over that peak the level of expectation is higher and it’s skills and training at a near-professional level. Everything is becoming formalised; reffing, officials, even announcers, are becoming more professional than what has been done in the past. It’s exciting to see top-ranked teams and the athleticism they bring! Who would have thought we’d see the performances we have? But, I have to tell ya [Mike one], it’s becoming serious business. Is it still as fun? I’m not sure. But I can assure you if the jammer is dancing on the jammer line, she’s still having a blast! I have to admit, sometimes I miss the electricity of the excitement and fun newer leagues have. Like your hair, it’s about the roots! Uh, it’s just derby’s ARE natural. Gotta fix that dye job man. I still find myself fired up to volunteer at new events, helping where I can, just to feel that rush, again. It’s like a breath of that “new car” smell, just a lot more sweaty.
[Mike 1] I hear you! I feel like we’re in an extended period of metamorphosis, we’re moving forward but no one is 100% sure where we’re actually heading. We’ll just have to keep watching the track and calling it like we see it. Enough smack talk Bob, it’s jam time.
